A Napoli Fan’s Ideal World Cup™
So Napoli fans, it’s the summer and there’s a World Cup on. We have a grand tradition of players starring at the tournament, remember this anyone? Edinson Cavani also celebrated his 2010 semi-final run with Uruguay by signing for us.
What to do? Well, like all self-respecting Calcio fans in the summer break – the devil has made work of my idle thumbs and I have come up with A Napoli Fan’s Ideal World Cup™.
The place to head for any Partenopei is clearly Group H – home of our talismanic man-mountain of a centre back, Kalidou Koulibaly as well as the finely polished Polish duo Piotr Zielinski and future husband of Sempre! host James McGhie, Arek Milik.
Senegal finish top of the group with three 1-0 wins all coming from headed goals from corners. Koulibaly applying the finish every time. A media frenzy raises his asking price above Neymar levels with ADL saying he’ll only sell for 450 million Euro.
After Carlo Ancelotti is seen wining and dining with the World Cup refereeing committee, Poland mysteriously suffer two 4-3 defeats and don’t qualify. Milik scores two hat tricks in each of these games, all six set up by Zielinkski. Arek’s short lived but glorious campaign gives him most of the summer off to avoid injury but sets him up nicely for the now famous 2019 Scudetto winning campaign.
Belgium: Dries Mertens proves he is the master of re-invention and in a shock move, plays the whole tournament as the Red Devils’ goalkeeper – nicely solving the Reina succession issues back home in Naples. He leads the team to the semi finals against Senegal before flapping at a corner which is put away by Koulibaly. 1-0.
Argentina: Despite Dybala missing three games due to multiple yellow cards for diving and a record seven missed penalties by Gonzalo Higuain, Argentina make it to the final. Messi scores in every game, aside from the quarter final with Albania where spends the game in Elseid Hysaj’s sweaty pockets. He goes into the final with 5 goals, one behind Milik and Koulibaly…
Senegal v. Argentina: A huge moment for African football as a team from the continent reaches a World Cup final for the first time. Statisticians across the globe salivate at the anomaly of Senegal winning every game 1-0 with a headed goal from a corner.
The game is a cagey affair, Dybala is booked in the first three seconds of the match for diving as the ball is passed to him at kick off. He’s off five minutes later for a second yellow when a gust of Russian wind knocks him over in the penalty area. Senegalese hearts reach mouths as a penalty is awarded moments later. Higuain steps up and puts it wide, having been distracted by supporters eating McDonald’s behind the goal. That’s now eight missed in the tournament. Messi is nowhere to be seen marked out of the game by K2.
The 90 minutes is nearly up when a corner is awarded to Senegal. Mindful of his threat at set pieces, Koulibaly is man-marked by seven Argentina players. Despite this, he leaps above all of them to rocket a header into the net. Higuain, with another failed final experience, sinks to his knees. The full time whistle blows and the Lions are crowned world champions.
Player of Tournament: Kalidou Koulibaly
Top Goal Scorer: Kalidou Koulibaly (7), Arek Milik, Lionel Messi (6)
Worst Discipline: Paolo Dybala ( 8 yellow, 4 red)
By Frank SidekeickFollow @franksidekick